if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
