I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize