I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
