so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
