we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
