I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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