just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
