Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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