Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
