i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
