Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
