it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
