Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
