see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
