I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
