so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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