I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
