So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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