two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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