just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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