I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
