suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
