God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
