Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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