i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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