carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high