I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!