My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.