Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
