Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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