Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
