OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.