So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze