You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.