My balls are so social today.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.