i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
