she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
