I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
