He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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