Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
