Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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