Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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