I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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