Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
