they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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