come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
