is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
