Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
