I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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