You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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