soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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