just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
