Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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