google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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