I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
