I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
