you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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