god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
