i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do vagina's smell?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
