Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
