Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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