Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
