I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
