Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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