Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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