Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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