I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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