grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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