i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need to stop coming to work sober
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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