you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
