Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
