you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
