Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
