You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
