He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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