I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
