tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
