i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
