there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
