I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
