I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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