I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
