I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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