Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
