my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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