the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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